Yo dont text me then not text me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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