Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
