I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
