You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
