my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
