I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
