dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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