just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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