I'm so fucking centered right now
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
