I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize