just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
