I cockslap morals
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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