What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
