I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
