please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
