After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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