This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
