he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
