why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize