can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
