i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
