highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
