But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
