ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My balls are so social today.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
that may or may not have been my penis.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
