I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
