hell yes lets make some ravioli
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
