I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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