I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize