I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize