we're blogging at a bar
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
