yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
