she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
