I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this boner is exhausting
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
