mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
