Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize