the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
