just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
