hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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