so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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