dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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