Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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