We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
