i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
