ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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