Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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