dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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