she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize