I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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