my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
