Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
