hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
