its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
