you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
