Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
