you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
