I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
