My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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