I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
