I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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