I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
