Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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