I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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