Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I AM VODKA MAN
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
