I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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