Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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