she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
