finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
