So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize