She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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