You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
