Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
