1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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