I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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