You work out of a Hotel?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
