My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize