he was CRYING into my vagina
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize